Selected 1999 Neologisms

- joystick-twitching
If you've seen Keanu Reeves do his VR karate in The Matrix, or Wesley Snipes kick vampire butt in Blade, you'll know that the nimble, bloody aesthetic of the arcade shoot-em-up is being busily absorbed by film-makers who are randy for the cash of joystick-twitching kids.

- Azbakan
Meanwhile, the third Harry Potter adventure, The Prisoner Of Azbakan, sold almost as many hardback copies as the two earlier volumes did in paperback.

- toiletology
It turned out that I was Toto's only tourist booking for the day, but this didn't stop them from generously providing a full-hour lecture on the art of toiletology by someone who evidently had a doctorate in the subject.

- booze-laced
They are responsible for a sound that would exist in Britain if each member of the entire Royal Scots Guard was force-fed 40 cups of strong booze-laced espresso and locked in a room with only a tape - loop of the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever for company

- intracompany
While Britain and Australia have some of the most liberal immigration regimes, as they apply to the partners of intracompany transferees, in the US trailing spouses have no automatic right to work and must apply, preferably from the home country, in their own right for a work visa.

- bioterrorism
RICHARD PRESTON, author of The Cobra Event, wrote a non-fiction account of the rise of 'bioterrorism', which was published in the New Yorker in 1997

- coature
Haute coature : Harper's Bazaar and the Daily Telegraph sang the praises of the coat-jacket and the duffle coat while The Independent tuned into eco-friendly sweaters

- arrangee
The trouble is : I'd practise what I preach and be the arranger, but I don't think I could bear to be the arrangee

- quasi-pornographic
The emblematic photographer of this period was Nobuyoshi Araki, who made his name with quasi-pornographic depictions of writhing young women bound, gagged and naked

- Britneys
Nick Leeson was spotted in a Leicester Square pub, chugging Britneys (Britney Spears, rhymes with beers) with three of his old muckers from Barings over the weekend.

- wrongish
There are still one or two paintings that strike me as having a wrongish size, and therefore give an eccentric scale to the figure

- quasi-futurist
Certainly this second album shows them to be excessively smitten by the quasi-futurist allure of analogue synthesisers, which they wield with scant regard for either fun or fashion.

- post-Baywatch
Even post-Baywatch, her website still attracts 8 million visitors a month. True, Anderson (who, appropriately enough, paid for her breast-enlargements out of her first Playboy fee), has not always been happy with her pneumatic shape.

- not-so-lookalike
LAUNCHED THIS week was the Channel 5 website, complete with a cartoon not-so-lookalike of the presenter Melinda Messenger.

- e-education
The Open University gave a head-start to the UK as an exporter of e-education, long before the Internet existed, and got to know a great deal about quality control and after-sales service of distance learning.

- mobsterdom
Against the immigrant backdrop of home-made wine and Sicilian pastries we watch the Don's son and heir, Michael, attend an Ivy League college and become the modern, respectable face of traditional mobsterdom

- body-modification
Nevertheless, it was in Huntington that the darkest, most extreme edge of the body-modification underground surfaced - in the form of a 56-year - old data-processing temp blinking in the media glare.

- porn-peddling
The one advantage of the location is that you can take books from the shop - Alex Ferguson's biography is a popular choice - and read them while you eat, thus making it the only restaurant in London where you can eat alone without feeling like a porn-peddling sociopath.

- sherbet-lemonisation
What does Cool Britannia mean to you? Dutifully monumental public art by Antony Gormley? Terence Conran's sherbet-lemonisation of restaurant design? Geri Halliwell in Union Jack knickers? That's right, it's a trick question Cool Britannia means absolutely nothing at all.

- inadequateness
How he rejoiced,' recalled Wilhelm Liebknecht when he had tempted a 'little student' to go on the ice and demonstrated in the person of the unfortunate the inadequateness of our universities and of academic culture

- e-enthusiastic
Long booms are not all good news, however, before we all get too e-enthusiastic.

- droogie
David Bowie was to use the Purcell For Queen Mary's Funeral music as a prelude to his concerts and the word droogie can be caught in his song Suffragette City

- huh-huh-huh-huh
His ex-girlfriend asked why she thought he needed flirting school ; said Paul's laugh is a bit too 'huh-huh-huh-huh' for me

- paddywacking
As it is, Our Father is an unintentionally laughable disaster, which plunders every paddywacking cliche in the Emerald Isle's bran tub of blarney

- monohydrate
Is it right to use creatine monohydrate, which is not banned but boosts power in explosive sports?

- bonkathon
Shearer, with that obduracy he invariably displays when challenged, would no doubt submit that, even in an indifferent season, with the below-the-surface intrigue more torrid than the BBC's Sunday night bonkathon, The Lakes, he has still amassed 11 goals in 24 games, and that while lacking a skilled breech-loader for his formidable array of weaponry.

- tabloidification
'The tabloidification of American life - of the news, of the culture, yea of human behaviour - is such a sweeping phenomenon that it can't be dismissed as merely a jokey footnote to the history of the 1990s,' David Kamp wrote in a long analysis in this month's Vanity Fair.

- unstacks
The first clue is Mr Sekulovic's dining room - on our arrival he hurriedly unstacks tables and chairs and brings out linen tablecloths before pressing us to have a drink

- bible-full
There has been a holy bible-full of miracles already this season.

- dot-coms
It is a simple matter of making sure you know your dot-coms from your dot-co-dot-uks.

- emulsification
Using a small whisk, beat in the olive oil in a thin stream until loosely homogenised (a trickle of boiling water from a kettle can help the emulsification here).

- sailboarders
The shallow harbour is ideal for novice sailors, sailboarders and potterers in small craft.

- schmooze-fest
Not surprising : That means only Samaranch and a handful of his cronies would benefit from the schmooze-fest that is the Olympic bidding process.

- non-X-rated
The film is part of Firewater Festival, a non-X-rated brief films selection that plays at Show World four nights a week

- stained-dress
Bill Clinton's impeachment woes are substantially Web-driven. Matt Drudge broke the original stained-dress story on his site, when the news magazines wouldn't handle it.

- demi-Blairite
He is, however, only a demi-Blairite. Straw does not like Liberal Democrats much, is an opponent of electoral reform, and was not delighted by Scottish devolution on terms that left England still subsidising Edinburgh.

- applecart-upsetters
Revolutionary fervour among true believers has dimmed too, as the battle has moved from the fierce passions of the applecart-upsetters and academics into the more complex field of popular culture, infiltrating the ways in which the vast majority of people live day to day

- echolocate
A philosopher Thomas Nagel, wrote a seminal paper in the Seventies entitled 'What is it Like to Be a Bat'. He concluded that we can never really understand what it is like to echolocate or fly in the dark, but what we do know is that there is something that it is like to be a bat.

- cyberstalker
The other day, California saw its first court case brought under a 'cyberstalker' law that came into force on 1 January. The prosecution claims that after a woman rejected his (physical) advances, Gary Dellapenta placed an ad under her name on a bulletin board claiming she was seeking male partners.

- grandchildren-like
Then again, when you are having a mini-renaissance among rivals who are less peers than grandchildren-like you are entitled to appear studious and Johnson, who has had several heart attacks, is happy to be able to play at all never mind at 55th in the world

- dollarization
Traders said a rise in interbank rates and statements from the presidential palace and Central Bank strongly denying rumours of either a pending dollarization of the economy or centralization of exchange operations had calmed the markets

- puddy-cat
The cacophony of puddy-cat noise held him like a teenage boy at a Nicole Kidman theatrical.

- charity-case-cum-servant
Set on a country estate in the Volga district, The Forest centres on Raisa Pavlovna, a tight-fisted widow and wealthy landowner (played by Frances de la Tour) who has set her devious cap at a dim but dishy young man half her age, and accordingly resolved to settle as little money as possible on her two dependents, an absentee nephew and a young adopted niece who lives with her and is treated as a charity-case-cum-servant

- drug-rape
Now she's Brookside's first drug-rape victim and we can't watch the programme with our children any more, even though the omnibus is on at 5pm on a Saturday

- nettitis
You've got to have nets to keep in touch but there have certainly been times this tour when I've had a bit of nettitis.

- thong-exposure
MONICA LEWINSKY, the young woman whose thong-exposure three years ago landed the President of the United States in so much hot water, was back in Washington DC yesterday, holed up in the rococo Mayflower Hotel just three blocks from the White House

- boybands
Boys will be boybands : They're everywhere. From Take That to 911, boybands have become the British pop institution of the decade.

- proto-svengali
From the earliest days of British pop, when Reg Smith and Ron Wycherley were re-christened Marty Wilde and Billy Fury by proto-svengali Larry Parnes (wonderfully spoofed in Boyz Unlimited), to the invention and sale of the Monkees to American TV as a homegrown riposte to the Beatles, young men have naively trusted their elders

- meta-sex
But the jury's still out as to whether the viewers' interest in the meta-sex that now infuses so much of the schedules is authentic or artificial.

- wizardocracy
Others, with a royalist streak, seemed to feel that Bungle's as-yet-unpunished outrage only proved this New Direction silliness had gone on long enough, and that it was high time the wizardocracy returned to the position of leadership their player class was born to

- ungangsterish
People were chatting in an ungangsterish way.

- traveloguey
With the tiger element removed from the programme, it was revealed for what it is, a bog-standard docu-soap with traveloguey 'dreaming spires' titles

- top-of-the-fops
More English than most Englishmen - as Irish literary types often are - Hannon has adopted a top-of-the-fops persona and a voice which is fruitier and plummier than Leslie Phillips in a jam factory.

- multiple-Oscar-winning
Heston's 1959 multiple-Oscar-winning Roman epic Ben Hur was also banned for its portrayal of Jesus

- turntablist
The cut and flow of the scratch style reignited the funk factor in tracks like 'The Knock' and 'Guns Blazing', while Ashcroft's 'Lonely Soul' was delivered from rock hell and turned into a turntablist classic

- quizling
Lance, who is married, with three children, was first drawn to the quizling circuit after a friend entered him for Mastermind without his knowing.

- stripper-gram
He has recently shacked up with a stripper-gram artiste whom we never meet and whose feelings on the paternity issue are steadfastly ignored until needed for a sterile plot-turn.

- codpiece-centricity
For, among the many virtues of historical novels, chief in my eyes was what you might call their codpiece-centricity.

- strawberry-blondeness
It's a little on the late side for that, of course - her hairstyle, her strawberry-blondeness, her fashion sense and her, how shall I put this child-bearing hindquarters, have all suffered already from the light cast by the Spencer madonna - but you have to admire such an impulse.

- euroettes
Will the shopkeeper say 'Here is 0.45 of a euro' or 'Here are 45 eurolings / euroettes or eurowhatevers

- unluvvie-ish
Burke's unluvvie-ish candour has not hindered her career.

- ex-madam-now-action-movie-transsexual
Love explains to Allure magazine why she loves the schizophrenia of LA : You've got your Moorish next to your Mediterranean next to your modern next to your British expatriate next to your aspiring starlet next to your ex-madam-now-action-movie-transsexual post-op next to your triple-A writer ex-crackhead Spanish-Chinese nursery owner.

- thinny
How cross it makes me when people say to a thinny 'You're so thin'

- gabberfest
An example would be gabber people dancing at a speed quicker than you can run, 220 beats per minute. Clearly there are drug undertones to this. In Austin, Texas, they had the first international gabberfest last summer.

- sleazebum
If someone close to you has just amazed you by telling you their rock-solid romance has just disintegrated, don't fall into the classic trap of saying 'I'm not surprised He/she was never good enough for you'. For one thing, it makes them look pretty stupid for sticking with the ratbag / sleazebum in the first place.

- creep-speak
One such offers five non-stop pages in which a pop music promoter makes serial telephone calls in creep-speak, wearing his headset and pushing buttons at speed.

- unkitsch
'The Day Before You Came' is a long, complex single, and lyrically it's the most unkitsch thing that Abba ever did.

- sexercise
I had years of training, and I could go back into it if I wanted you never really lose it, I'm using my body a lot these days - with Jay. I don't exercise, I sexercise. It does me good, that's why I'm smiling.

- nuff-respect
For more information on Linford Christie, see www.nuff-respect.co.uk.

- governancy
Andrew Lovett Head of Corporate Services HLB Kidsons As far as I'm concerned, the people with influence within auditing these days are those involved in corporate governancy like Nigel Turnbull who is finance director of the Rank Group whose most recent reports concern controls and systems within organisations.

- gossip-jockey
Her brother founded the New York Daily News and journalism was so much in her blood that she was not only a long-time columnist, news reporter and gossip-jockey, but later became editor of a Washington newspaper and 'the most powerful woman in America'.

- downsizes
The National Space Science Centre in Leicester (opening 2001) not only 'looks firmly to the future' as the brochure says it is so far in the future that it has had to park the Space Shuttle, on loan from Nasa, in rented premises to generate income while it downsizes Nick Grimshaw 's grand plans.

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